Graduation 2016!

I have sat here for a couple of days debating on if I should write this blog or not. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that writing this is a must…for me.

It’s no secret that my oldest daughter has been in her father’s custody for many years. While I would love to spill the details of that story, I shall refrain. Moving on…

My sweet Angel had her graduation ceremony this past weekend. Me, the boyfriend and our children loaded up and headed to the hotel we booked (about 25 minutes from the ceremony). To me this should be an incredibly exciting time for my Angel Baby. With all she has been through, deprived of, and so on…she managed to survive the roughest years of her teenage life and complete high school. She has worked hard to overcome every single obstacle thrown at her. If you ask me, she managed to do it with great strength and she even managed to stay humble throughout. Not only is she beautiful (inside and out) but she is intelligent, hard working, fun and just an all around joy to be around.

We had a great time during our visit. We relaxed by the pool (wishing the star of the show could be there of course), had some food, got all dressed up and headed to the stadium. We tried getting her attention after she sat down but there was so much noise and the police officers made her siblings get back to their seats and out of the walkways. We sat there in the heat, hoping we wouldn’t deal with a storm, all waiting impatiently to yell, scream and cheer for our graduate. Once the ceremony was complete, the younger siblings ran off to find their big sister on the field. The boyfriend and I met up with them at the edge of the field a few minutes later.

My excitement quickly started to decline as I knew we would have to let her get to the other half of her family, but I still soaked up the seconds we had left. We walked her out of the stadium to where her family was waiting to congratulate her. It was great to see such a turn out in support of my Angel.

***Here is where I change things within my writing…at this point I am going to focus this directly to her father and her stepmother (mostly the stepmother)…***

Within minutes of walking my sweet angel to meet up with you, you all turned and started walking away. You led me to assume that you all were just leaving with her and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Why is this, you may ask. Well simply put, you did not take the time to explain what you were doing or what your intentions were. Instead you just start walking. I did follow. I did have every intention on saying goodbye and walking away because it was obvious on what was going on. And though I’d love to sit around and piss you off, I had my other children with me. These children have ZERO to do with your issues. These children were very excited to celebrate their sister’s accomplishment. But none of you took a moment to think about that as you turn around and attack me with a dreadfully rehearsed speech.

It was obvious that you had rehearsed this attack many times and frankly (aside from you looking like a lunatic 2 year old in an adults body) you came across showing everyone the following (yes, I have a list for your behavior):

  1. Not only did you look crazed but you only proved the fact that you both, alongside the remainder of the family, have done nothing but push me out of her life many times over. So thank you for showing her this. I knew it would be just a matter of time.
  2. Your husband is running for a political position in your county and yet you don’t have enough respect to act appropriately in public and speak to people (doesn’t matter if you like them or not) in a civil tone? That is definitely not someone I would want in office for my county…
  3. How old are we that you cannot stop long enough and say hey this is what we are going to do, please give us a few minutes and then you can do as needed? Was that really hard? Do I pose that much of an imaginary threat to you, even though I have only had a few words with you (civil words, might I add) since I met you, that you just go straight to bitch Chihuahua? You might want to seek help for that. I have never done a single derogatory thing to you!
  4. “We get her first. We raised her.” That was absolutely uncalled for. First off, this is HER graduation. Are you jealous of her and her attention to the point you feel the need to cry out for your participation ribbon in any way possible? You do realize you are an adult and a parent…this is a time where you celebrate the child’s accomplishments, not your own. She deserves the attention, NOT YOU! Also, I might add IT WAS NOT MY CHOICE. If I had a choice in the matter, I would have always been there and you would have just been weekends and half the summer!
  5. Did anyone stop and ask her what she wanted or how she wanted things to go…in such a way that she felt comfortable answering truthfully? Pretty sure I can jump out on a limb and safely say the answer is no.
  6. Did you not realize that by attacking me with your verbal diarrhea that you would come across as hoity toity, classless, immature, controlling, crazy and highly disrespectful not only to me and my family, but to your family, as well as all of the other families that had to witness your lack of civility and self control?
  7. Were you going for the tough guy roll? Do you feel that you have won your one sided battle? You do realize that no matter what you say, do or feel I will always and FOREVER be her mother. You cannot take that from her or me! Also, I don’t care about you or your feelings nor do I care of your word vomit. What I do care about is you having the unmitigated audacity to make a scene (throw a tantrum, however you want to view it) on my daughter’s day! Disgusting!

I really hope that one day you will grow up and learn how to be civil for the sake of your children, if anything. I also hope that no one does something like you did and ruins your daughter’s graduation…whenever that may be.

You should go ahead and accept the fact that I am not and will not be leaving my daughter’s life. You can yell, kick, scream, sue, bribe…I do not care. I will not be going anywhere. I would prefer we go the civil route, mainly for her but also for the other children involved in this situation.

However, if you would prefer to act like 2 year olds…well let’s see who throws the best tantrum. Either way, you will NEVER get me out of her life! Do the right thing, the adult thing, the parent thing….apologize to her for your actions and for ruining her day. Then let’s be adults and be there for the wonderfully amazing children in our lives.

Sincerely,
One appalled mother

Ps. My boyfriend opted to not get involved but he did say he would have told you to walk away with pride…had he gotten involved.

Now…back to the fun part!

Congratulations my sweet angel!!!!! Thank you for having us there to share in such a joyous time. Thank you for giving us such a courteous visit, even if it was just a few minutes. Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for being the amazing you that you are. We are so proud of you and everything you have made it through. We can’t wait to see what you do with your future! We are most definitely sure it will be great things and many things. We hope the remainder of your graduation day was exactly everything you wanted.
We love you so very much and miss you already!

(Not to take attention from my Angel during her time of celebration, but I also want to take a moment and thank my Princess baby for being there and reminding me that I am a mother first and foremost. She also made sure to help keep my head and focus where they should be…on my kids and our graduate!)

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Love the sibling love between these lively children of mine.

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My Relationship Observation…

Relationships aren’t what they used to be. I grew up in a family that talked during dinner and shared stories throughout the day. We did family time and alone time. We used our alone time as a reflection of our day, our lives, or to do something for ourselves. Family time was just that, family time. For example we would go camping. During our camping trips we would spend time around the fire, out on the boat or swimming as a whole. But we also had times where the adults hung out and talked over a couple beverages and us kids ran amuck.

Over the years and through my own relationships (as well as observing others) I have found that most relationships don’t contain family time, kid time or adult time and if they do…its a once in a blue moon thing. Most people these days are just off doing their own thing. No regard for their significant other or children. Hell they don’t even take the time to get to know their significant other or children anymore.

In this day and age of electronic devices and social media, we have become too dependant on having a relationship with our friends and family via social media instead of actually going out and seeing them in person. And if, on the rare occasion, friends or family meet up….theres no real conversation.

What happened to building relationships, having personal jokes, keeping secrets and enjoying the physical company of another human being?!

TALK TO EACHOTHER PEOPLE! Learn something about someone else today! Disconnect from the electronic world…..love and love properly, not from afar.

Goals!

Recently I ran across a handful of posts by a good friend of mine. She made the decision to reach 101 goals within 1001 days and it is definitely inspiring to watch her attack that list. You can read it here

I am very proud and moved by her motivation and determination. I feel that this is something that sparked interest in my horrifically busy brain but needed something to help bring it out as a “need to do”.

In light of recent discussions and directions, I have finally found that something. While my friend is doing a much longer and bit more in-depth  (because I swear shes a super hero) goal list, I figured I would start out  smaller and see how well it works for me and my lifestyle of never-ending schedules and shenanigans.

Here’s the idea: I am going to do a handful of goals (number hasn’t been determined yet) that would consist of easy/quick goals, fun types of goals, family goals  and life altering goals. I don’t see it getting too extraordinary being this is my first attempt at public goal making but will need them to be realistic and effective. I am thinking the timeline would go somewhere between 6 and 10 months.

Goal #1 starts tomorrow! We shall call it “preparing the path”. This goal is: tomorrow I will sit down and plan out the amount of goals, the goals themselves and a timeframe to complete these goals.

From there I will post the list on here and as I complete the goals, I will write a blog about the goal and the experience. I am going to do this in hopes of finding a newer better me that I can easily live with and maybe even inspire a person or two to make their own path to self discovery (so to speak).

I hope you will join me on my journey. If you have any suggestions, they are always welcome! 😀

Til tomorrow,
-Freckledbtrfly

Cancer….

Cancer… the pain and memories this one little 6 letter word can bring back. Anyone who’s had cancer, fighting it now or was there with someone during their fight knows exactly what I mean.

Lately, I see so much hate on social media…politics, religions, sexual preferences, etc. While this does make me want to respond, I  do not. Today and this month in particular, I am finding more and more people with posts about showing the “truth” behind breast cancer. Rightfully so, it is “breast cancer awareness month” and all. What is getting me is that these “truth about breast cancer” posts are coming across angry. I feel these posts are going to lead to so much more hate and bitching on social media and the internet.

Let’s take a moment and think. If you are in a public area while you read this, look around. I am willing to bet that at least one person walking through that mall, store, what have you…is dealing with cancer somewhere close to them. Hell that person could be walking around trying to stop worrying about the test results they should be getting any day now to see if they have cancer of some sort. That one person could be looking for a gift for a child that was just diagnosed. You just do not know. That person could even be you…

When someone has cancer, it isn’t always realized. Cancer patients will have good days and bad days and even worse days. They don’t walk around holding a sign that says “give me your pity because I have cancer”. They are likely trying to hide it from anyone possible because of how often they do have to face it. It is never an easy fight. It doesn’t matter if you have stage 1 or stage 4. It doesn’t matter if you have a “common cancer” or a “rare” cancer…facts are facts: the shit is rough. It’s brutal. It’s ugly. And it hurts.

But keep this in mind…there is beauty in cancer. Don’t attack me just yet, stay with me here and I will explain.

I am not a cancer survivor in the traditional sense of surviving cancer. I did not have cancer attacking my body or chemo and radiation treatments to rid my body of this destruction. However, my mom did…as well as others in my family and some friends families. I call my mom out in this for a very real, very strong reason. My reason for calling my mother out doesn’t mean someone else’s cancer experience was any less important or hard or anything. I call her situation out because I was about 10 years old when she was diagnosed. My sister about a year, maybe two.

This is a little rough of a story for me to share. I haven’t really even discussed it with family, let alone expressing it amongst complete strangers. This IS a situation that I do brag about though. I brag because of my mother’s strength. I brag because of our bond. I brag because of our family. I brag because WE won!

My mother was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma about 25 years ago. But it took a while to get to this result. She got sick and rather quickly. My step-dad took her to the emergency room where they came back with the result of Pneumonia. When she came home I watched her. I studied her. Every move. Every word. I analyzed it all…at 10 years old. You could say I had her under a microscope. She was my mom, my best friend, my life…I was worried.

After carefully watching and analyzing my mother, I sat her down one day and expressed my concern. I begged her to get a second opinion. I told her something just wasn’t right and that she needed to see another doctor to get better. She smiled, naturally with her heartwarming smile. She then gave me the look of: “you’re just a kid, not a doctor” but told me she would be ok. I did not give up on this. Yes, I was a kid and no I was not a doctor but dammit, I know my mother! She was the one thing I knew very well at that age.

After I begged and pleaded and eventually nagged…she finally got a second opinion: non-hodgkins lymphoma and it was covering pretty much everything on the left side of her body. Well shit…

To make a long and painful memory short: WE fought through it together. WE went through the chemo and radiation treatments. WE dealt with the hair loss and “sunburned” skin. WE went through not eating properly or being able to hold food down at all. WE did it!!!

At about 10 years old I witnessed cancer rearing its ugly head. I watched cancer slowly eat away my mother’s life. I watched cancer make the strongest woman I knew look weak. I was there at her side every possible chance I could be. I helped her when she was sick. I suggested shaving her head and man was she super cool after she did. Cancer sucks.

So no, I am not exactly a cancer survivor in the traditional sense but I did survive it with her. Remember earlier when I said there was beauty in cancer? Here it is…my mom was diagnosed with a rare cancer at a fairly young age. My mom’s doctors gave her 6 months to live. My mom said (figuratively) “I’ll see your 6 months and raise you over 10 years!” My mom, me, my step-dad and my sister…along with my family’s support…kicked cancers ass!

My mother lived way longer than expected and was able to see some of her grandbabies before she passed. My mother dealt with the aftermath of this cancers destruction for many years before she passed…but SHE LIVED!

The beauty in cancer is watching a grandmother holding her grandchild, knowing she was living past her medically given time. It’s seeing a child running outside and making friends after being put in remission. It’s seeing a family pull together to help one family member fight the grueling battle ahead of them. It’s what will show you, every single time, just exactly how precious life is. That is beauty in cancer.

With that being said: let me show you the beauty in what seems to be pissing so many people off lately. I see the comments about “saving the tatas” and expressing hurt by other slogans dealing with breast cancer. While I am not belittling your situation or saying you are wrong, step aside a minute and look at it from a different perspective. Loads of slogans are out there in some way shape or form to “fight cancer”. You have colors, awareness ribbons, walks, marathons, etc. ALL of these things are being worn by and for cancer patients! These things are all part of “the cause” and the “fight against cancer”. These things are how people show their support in situations they CANNOT control. These things are how people grieve over a loved one who lost their battle to cancer.

Don’t get me wrong, there are corrupted folks out there amongst us. But if you do your research before investing in your cause, you will find that the legit folks have the same slogans, puns…whatever you want to call them. I personally think the whole “save the boobies” thing was to get men more involved in a typically female predominant cancer. (Yes, I know men can get breast cancer)

I think we are forgetting the purpose behind the walks, marathons and ribbons. I think we are all forgetting to research a company or charity before investing our time and money. I think we all need to stop, hug your survivor, visit your friend or family member and get back to fighting against cancer…instead of talking shit. You, and you and you…you all fought and you all won. Your situation is no better or worse than the next persons. Fact is cancer is a killer and you got out of its grasp!

Let’s team up and keep gaining more members on the team of kicking cancers ass!