In Search of a Birth Mother

After many conversations with my cousins, I have offered to step up and assist in any way that I can. So here is their story and our request for any assistance possible. 

My cousins and I grew up together starting in Kissimmee, FL. We spent loads of weekends together and were rather inseparable. My cousins, myself and my brother would galavant from my dad’s place, to my uncle’s place, to my grandparent’s place and pretty much everywhere in between. Typically we were a small herd of children just out to have fun. 

My cousins ended up moving out of state after some years, but we stayed in contact. We had visits, shared adventures, put on shows (for absolutely no one to watch most times), caught bugs of sorts, ran from bats, and shared lots of stories between us. We were fairly normal children. We were loved, cared for and taken care of. We were taught morals, values and the importance of family. 

If you were an outsider looking in you would never know that these two beautiful young ladies grew up without their mother. I often wondered how they would manage going through life without their mother there for them. I never could imagine that they would make it to become the incredible women they are today because they didn’t have their mom. I couldn’t imagine it because I was blessed to have my own mother and even a step-mom that was/is always there when I need them. 

Although they accepted the fact of not having their mother around, they have managed. They don’t get too deep into their feelings on this situation but I know there’s a void because it does get brought up. Naturally so. These two women have had their trials in life, as anyone does. They have learned lessons, grew from children to mothers themselves, became successful in their careers and are the sweetest, most loving cousins ever!

Both of my beautys have gone through college, marriages, created families and still find time in their busy days for their friends and other family members. They have blessed our family with handsome boys and beautiful girls! They are doting, loving and highly supportive moms. It has truly been my pleasure to be a part of their lives and watching them both blossom the way they have!

We have spent countless hours, over the years, in search of their birth mother, my aunt. Now, we have decided to ask for help publicly, as our searches haven’t given us much in the way of leads. We have created a Facebook page called: In search of a birth mother. (Facebook group page) We are just hoping someone, somewhere out there in this massive world of ours, can recognize her and get her in contact with her girls. Below is some (not all) of the information that we know of her to this point. It isn’t a whole lot but hopefuly it’s just enough. 

Thank you for your assistance, even if it is just sharing a post to pass the word along. Please let’s go viral with this! Have a blessed day!

The mom’s (and aunt’s) information:

Victoria (Vickie) Lynn 

Last names: Herring, Barker, Graham

DOB: September 13, 1958

We believe she was born in Virginia. She was married in Kissimmee, FL in 1979 and believe the divorce was in 1987 for that marriage. 

If you have any information that may lead to us finding her please email me at freckledbtrfly@gmail.com or contact us via our Facebook page. Thanks again!!!

#insearchofabirthmother #viral #pleasehelp

Never forget…thoughts of a rambler

For many years now, I have found that many people mourn many different ways. I have done a little bit of research on mourning to see if I was even doing it right. I have to say…I am not and to put it bluntly; I no longer care. If you are questioning yourself on the same subject, my recommendation: stop! Stop now before you drive yourself insane. Stop now because it makes the mourning process tougher. Stop now and come to the conclusion that you are human! 

I decided I needed to take to writing today because it’s 2017 and along with many changes I am making…for some reason I have decided to take a long trip down memory lane. I didn’t take a fun pack your bags and visit old landmarks trip…I did the nitty gritty go through emails, newspapers and court records trip. I have to say it was a brutal trip but it was well worth it. 

My trip helped me to remember who I am and how I arrived where I am today. It is truly amazing I have survived but I did it with vast accomplishments under my belt…so far. During this trip I also realized there are some things I need to say. These are things I want the world to hear…from me. 

Being that this is and will be one of the hardest things I have ever had to write…I will begin with this:

In a few days it will be my grandfather’s birthday. He had so many success stories for his journey through life. I think his biggest success story is his family. Him and my grandma worked very hard to raise loving, caring, considerate and tough children. Thankfully the lessons passed down to his children would continue for generations to come. I am one of the oldest of the grandchildren and I have so many fond memories with him. He was the man that I crawled in next to in order for me to sleep without worry. He was the man that stood there in the livingroom jingling his change in his pocket and would lovingly share his change with a little me so that I could jingle too. He had a smile that would force smiles out of anyone, no matter how they were feeling at the time. He placed claims against my grandmother, all in fun, that made me laugh so hard I am sure it echoed throughout the state. For my family I will even add in: the snake incident, the prayers, scratch, and jerk. (If you knew him well enough…you would understand) He was a great man and left behind even greater memories and lessons. 

Shortly after his birthday, my mom’s will follow. Sadly we all lost her young. Many folks knew her far and wide. They knew her to be strong, loving, sarcastic and competitive. Unfortunately, they didn’t know her like I did…not even our family. She was those things, without question…but she was so much more. She was protective. She was an amazing cook. She was stern. She took time out of her life to be my softball coach and she was damn good at it. She was able to motivate me and my friends when all we wanted to do was lay around and watch tv. She always strived for more, for better. When she got sick, she fought. When she wanted to give up, she listened to an imaginative 10 year old. She had faith in me when most everyone else only wanted to. She had a love and bond with both of her children that just could not ever be replaced. She worked hard at anything she set her mind to. When she was to be a grandma, she wanted to be known as Nana but my oldest couldnt quite pronounce it right…so she was dubbed “Nina” and still is to this day. When we went camping, she always made me laugh while packing…she had to have her air mattress, fan and so on. She couldnt rough it like the rest of us could but she was a really good sport for us kids. When it came time for the machine to be setup, she paid no attention because she was too busy paying attention to the birthday girl, her second granddaughter. Her and I had jokes about her being tatted up. We had jokes about her bandanas. We even had jokes about me running laps and my sunburns. We shared so many adventures and experiences. My mom is definitely an irreplaceable mom and no matter how hard I try, words will never be able to explain what she was, is and will always be to me. 

Next is my other grandfather. He was a great man as well. (I am and was truly blessed to be born into two well rounded families). He worked hard and was a wonderful provider. He always had a joke to tell and a glass to offer. He was good to my grandma and great to his grandchildren. He allowed us kids to run in and out as we chased each other and played as kids. He even loved having his great grandchildren around. He was another person who added to the long list of people who had a huge impact in my life. 

I have learned to accept that these three very special people will no longer be around for hugs, laughs, jokes, or anything. But I have also learned that if I think…just for a moment…I can feel them there. I truly could not have asked for better than them.

So…mourn how you need to. Stand up and scream. Lay down and cry. Sit down and remember. But whatever you do…never forget. Never forget the memories shared. Never forget the love or bond you had. And if you must…take that moment and see if you can feel them near. 

To my mommy and both grandpas: I love you all and will never forget!

Relationship Quickie (advice)

When you condition your significant other to not need you, they grow an amazing level of self confidence. So, don’t be surprised when they leave you. You aren’t bringing anything to the table of “teamwork.” This leaves your other to feel many things and would rather be on their own than to unjustly carry the weight of two…

Food for thought y’all! Happy Tuesday! 

“Treat Others as you wish to be treated”

Hello everyone, my name is Freckledbtrfly and I am a bitch. (Insert laugh)

Ok, ok…so this isn’t alcoholics anonymous or any of those groups where I need to join a 12 step program. But, I felt it was necessary for me to introduce myself properly. Apparently, people who have known me at least most of my life seem to forget the fact that I do not tolerate any kind of nonsense. Fact is that I grew up and was raised to not take crap from anyone. I give respect where respect is earned. In return I expect respect.

I am a complicated female. I am very independent. I am very stubborn. I was raised to demand respect for myself. Those who are respectful to me get my respect in return, that simple. Respect is earned not given!

As the old adage goes: Treat others as you want to be treated. That is the biggest life lesson I learned growing up. There isn’t a time that I can remember, or anyone in my family can remember, where I wasn’t a leader…where I wasn’t independent. Where I did not do what I wanted to do no matter what I was told. I marched to the beat of my own drum and that is all there is to it. Now that I am 36 and it hasn’t changed, I don’t think it ever will. (old and set in my ways kind of thing) I am ok with that because I accept me for who I am.

There are those who have an issue with who I am and how I am. Some people try to figure me out based off my heritage. Some people try to figure me out based off of how I was raised and the fact that I was raised in the south by “Yankees” (mostly). Some try to figure me out based off of my zodiac sign. Which if you read all about Pisces most of that does ring true. However, there are situations that warrant different outcomes, different outlooks, and different reactions. SO you can’t always go by how I was raised, where I was raised, what my heritage is or my zodiac sign.

If you know me and have known me for a long time and paid attention to how I respond, then you will know what to expect. I don’t tolerate bullshit. I don’t tolerate disrespect. I am very blunt. If I care about you and respect you I will do my best to put it nicely, but I will get my point across. However, even if I care for and respect you, if I find myself explaining the same thing to you numerous times…I will get blunt. I will come off rude. Not because I don’t care or that I don’t respect you but because the nice isn’t working and you need to hear it rough.

With all that in mind, I have some things I need to get out. I did not grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth. I did not grow up with zero cares in the world. I did not grow up as a typical child. These are things that I have come to terms with and accepted over the years. But, through my trials and tribulations I have learned a lot. I have learned a lot about myself. I have learned a lot about my family. I have learned a lot about my children. And I have learned a lot about people in general. I have been around many different types of people. People who have so much money they have no idea what to do with it, all the way down to people who quite literally live in the streets…and everything in between. I have had conversations. I have had arguments. I have had all different kinds of interactions with all kinds of different people. There are some people who, no matter what happens to them…no matter the decisions they make…they are lucky. They end up getting things that they really don’t deserve.

I was also told growing up “Life isn’t handed to you on a silver platter” and “the world doesn’t owe you anything”. These people who end up lucking out forget to remain humble. They forget where they come from or what they have been through. They forget those they have stepped on along the way. They end up leaving a path of destruction that they never look back on. They never try to make right. That is their issue.

I say this because there are people who I can categorize in this situation that think because they have certain opportunities presented to them that they can make threats, say as they wish, do as they wish…and that there are no repercussions.

Fact of the matter is “for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction” (thanks newton!). Keep this in mind.

What I mean by that is…let’s explain it this way, I’m sure you have seen movies or read stories about witches. Commonly the rule of a witch casting spells is: it will come back on them 3 fold. For example, if a witch casts a spell to harm that witch runs the risk of the spell coming back on her 3 times as bad. That is the same way that life works. (or karma)

Though these people who have been lucky and pulled themselves out of the trenches or bad decisions or what have you, they may not have come across bad luck or met karma yet. But no matter the case, luck does run out and you still have to answer for the things you have done.

I am not saying everyone is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes because we are all human. I find that those of us humans who make mistakes and learn from them tend to be more humble, caring, devoted and not so shitty of a person. Those humans who refuse to learn from their mistakes tend to be angry, resentful, disrespectful, hoity-toity , uppity, the list goes on… With all of this being said I am not saying who this is directed to because in fact…it isn’t directed to anyone specifically.

If you are reading this and you are taking offense to it, it’s probably high time you put them shoes on, lace them bitches up and wear them with pride…because the shoe obviously fits (and you can’t wear just one shoe, that’s silly). This tells me that you have crossed my path and had a negative impact on me or my life somehow. You know what you have done and you have yet to admit your mistakes. Which is fine, I am not expecting apologies or anything. I could care less if you are in my life or not because your negative impact has already caused me to write you off.

However, I do have a response to you taking offense…if you have something on your mind that you feel you should say…say it. Don’t bottle it up. Man up or woman up and open your mouth. Message me on Facebook. Hit me up with a text. Call if you feel you need to yell and scream. I don’t care what it is or how you do it, just do it. This is my challenge to you.

Just like I teach my children…express yourself. It is unhealthy to let your feelings be bottled up inside of you. One day you might actually explode (no one wants to clean up that mess).

If you cannot express yourself about me, to me; if you choose to run behind my back and say what you need to say about me, instead of to me…I will call you like I see you…a coward. I do not hate you or anyone else (hate is a strong word after all). If I was a hateful person, I would have ruined many people’s lives long ago. But I didn’t. I made adult decisions in my adult life not to stoop to that level because I am a better person than that.

I don’t have time to sit here and chase people around, digging up dirt just so that I can ruin their life. You (whoever you are) will likely end up doing it yourself…that’s not my job. Like I said, if you’ve had a negative impact on my life, I’ve written you off. Which means I don’t waste my time on you.

So who ever you are, how ever many of you there are, if you have something to say…im calling you out. Say it! Don’t go behind my back and hope that it gets to me through some asinine form of the telephone game that we played in kindergarten. Otherwise, just let it fester. Fester, fester, fester!

*This blog was not intended to be used for posts such as this. I would much rather be posting about fishing, kayaking, beach trips, road trips, birthdays, etc…So with that, I am going to end this blog and get back to the fun side of my life. The side where negative isn’t allowed in!

Have a great day everyone!

Graduation 2016!

I have sat here for a couple of days debating on if I should write this blog or not. After much deliberation, I have come to the conclusion that writing this is a must…for me.

It’s no secret that my oldest daughter has been in her father’s custody for many years. While I would love to spill the details of that story, I shall refrain. Moving on…

My sweet Angel had her graduation ceremony this past weekend. Me, the boyfriend and our children loaded up and headed to the hotel we booked (about 25 minutes from the ceremony). To me this should be an incredibly exciting time for my Angel Baby. With all she has been through, deprived of, and so on…she managed to survive the roughest years of her teenage life and complete high school. She has worked hard to overcome every single obstacle thrown at her. If you ask me, she managed to do it with great strength and she even managed to stay humble throughout. Not only is she beautiful (inside and out) but she is intelligent, hard working, fun and just an all around joy to be around.

We had a great time during our visit. We relaxed by the pool (wishing the star of the show could be there of course), had some food, got all dressed up and headed to the stadium. We tried getting her attention after she sat down but there was so much noise and the police officers made her siblings get back to their seats and out of the walkways. We sat there in the heat, hoping we wouldn’t deal with a storm, all waiting impatiently to yell, scream and cheer for our graduate. Once the ceremony was complete, the younger siblings ran off to find their big sister on the field. The boyfriend and I met up with them at the edge of the field a few minutes later.

My excitement quickly started to decline as I knew we would have to let her get to the other half of her family, but I still soaked up the seconds we had left. We walked her out of the stadium to where her family was waiting to congratulate her. It was great to see such a turn out in support of my Angel.

***Here is where I change things within my writing…at this point I am going to focus this directly to her father and her stepmother (mostly the stepmother)…***

Within minutes of walking my sweet angel to meet up with you, you all turned and started walking away. You led me to assume that you all were just leaving with her and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Why is this, you may ask. Well simply put, you did not take the time to explain what you were doing or what your intentions were. Instead you just start walking. I did follow. I did have every intention on saying goodbye and walking away because it was obvious on what was going on. And though I’d love to sit around and piss you off, I had my other children with me. These children have ZERO to do with your issues. These children were very excited to celebrate their sister’s accomplishment. But none of you took a moment to think about that as you turn around and attack me with a dreadfully rehearsed speech.

It was obvious that you had rehearsed this attack many times and frankly (aside from you looking like a lunatic 2 year old in an adults body) you came across showing everyone the following (yes, I have a list for your behavior):

  1. Not only did you look crazed but you only proved the fact that you both, alongside the remainder of the family, have done nothing but push me out of her life many times over. So thank you for showing her this. I knew it would be just a matter of time.
  2. Your husband is running for a political position in your county and yet you don’t have enough respect to act appropriately in public and speak to people (doesn’t matter if you like them or not) in a civil tone? That is definitely not someone I would want in office for my county…
  3. How old are we that you cannot stop long enough and say hey this is what we are going to do, please give us a few minutes and then you can do as needed? Was that really hard? Do I pose that much of an imaginary threat to you, even though I have only had a few words with you (civil words, might I add) since I met you, that you just go straight to bitch Chihuahua? You might want to seek help for that. I have never done a single derogatory thing to you!
  4. “We get her first. We raised her.” That was absolutely uncalled for. First off, this is HER graduation. Are you jealous of her and her attention to the point you feel the need to cry out for your participation ribbon in any way possible? You do realize you are an adult and a parent…this is a time where you celebrate the child’s accomplishments, not your own. She deserves the attention, NOT YOU! Also, I might add IT WAS NOT MY CHOICE. If I had a choice in the matter, I would have always been there and you would have just been weekends and half the summer!
  5. Did anyone stop and ask her what she wanted or how she wanted things to go…in such a way that she felt comfortable answering truthfully? Pretty sure I can jump out on a limb and safely say the answer is no.
  6. Did you not realize that by attacking me with your verbal diarrhea that you would come across as hoity toity, classless, immature, controlling, crazy and highly disrespectful not only to me and my family, but to your family, as well as all of the other families that had to witness your lack of civility and self control?
  7. Were you going for the tough guy roll? Do you feel that you have won your one sided battle? You do realize that no matter what you say, do or feel I will always and FOREVER be her mother. You cannot take that from her or me! Also, I don’t care about you or your feelings nor do I care of your word vomit. What I do care about is you having the unmitigated audacity to make a scene (throw a tantrum, however you want to view it) on my daughter’s day! Disgusting!

I really hope that one day you will grow up and learn how to be civil for the sake of your children, if anything. I also hope that no one does something like you did and ruins your daughter’s graduation…whenever that may be.

You should go ahead and accept the fact that I am not and will not be leaving my daughter’s life. You can yell, kick, scream, sue, bribe…I do not care. I will not be going anywhere. I would prefer we go the civil route, mainly for her but also for the other children involved in this situation.

However, if you would prefer to act like 2 year olds…well let’s see who throws the best tantrum. Either way, you will NEVER get me out of her life! Do the right thing, the adult thing, the parent thing….apologize to her for your actions and for ruining her day. Then let’s be adults and be there for the wonderfully amazing children in our lives.

Sincerely,
One appalled mother

Ps. My boyfriend opted to not get involved but he did say he would have told you to walk away with pride…had he gotten involved.

Now…back to the fun part!

Congratulations my sweet angel!!!!! Thank you for having us there to share in such a joyous time. Thank you for giving us such a courteous visit, even if it was just a few minutes. Thank you for being understanding. Thank you for being the amazing you that you are. We are so proud of you and everything you have made it through. We can’t wait to see what you do with your future! We are most definitely sure it will be great things and many things. We hope the remainder of your graduation day was exactly everything you wanted.
We love you so very much and miss you already!

(Not to take attention from my Angel during her time of celebration, but I also want to take a moment and thank my Princess baby for being there and reminding me that I am a mother first and foremost. She also made sure to help keep my head and focus where they should be…on my kids and our graduate!)

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Love the sibling love between these lively children of mine.

My Relationship Observation…

Relationships aren’t what they used to be. I grew up in a family that talked during dinner and shared stories throughout the day. We did family time and alone time. We used our alone time as a reflection of our day, our lives, or to do something for ourselves. Family time was just that, family time. For example we would go camping. During our camping trips we would spend time around the fire, out on the boat or swimming as a whole. But we also had times where the adults hung out and talked over a couple beverages and us kids ran amuck.

Over the years and through my own relationships (as well as observing others) I have found that most relationships don’t contain family time, kid time or adult time and if they do…its a once in a blue moon thing. Most people these days are just off doing their own thing. No regard for their significant other or children. Hell they don’t even take the time to get to know their significant other or children anymore.

In this day and age of electronic devices and social media, we have become too dependant on having a relationship with our friends and family via social media instead of actually going out and seeing them in person. And if, on the rare occasion, friends or family meet up….theres no real conversation.

What happened to building relationships, having personal jokes, keeping secrets and enjoying the physical company of another human being?!

TALK TO EACHOTHER PEOPLE! Learn something about someone else today! Disconnect from the electronic world…..love and love properly, not from afar.